Nothing More Suspicious Than Frog's Breath

Waiting.

2011-01-31T18:45:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for the day.
The day that never comes.
Sitting there on the horizon.
An imaginary line.
Always moving farther away.
I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for the day.
The day when I can smile.
A smile that is real.
Reflecting an inner peace.
Peace that I cannot reach.
My own soft horizon.
Moving farther as I approach.
I'm waiting.

A Moment of Regret

2010-11-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

Life slips you by and you're stuck looking back
Searching to find those things that you lack
Others you knew have travelled so far
And now all you have left, is your soul and its scar
That big empty feeling in the pit of your gut
Screams at you writhing here in your rut
So will you press on
Rediscover your life
Or lay dead on the lawn
Filled with great strife

It Has Always Been You

2010-08-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

Written for me by Michael Stanczyk, my Mr. SillerString:]

As I look back on my life
I realize that I have always loved you
Even when I didn't know who you were
But I knew there could be only one
White love so true
I have always had this funny image
Of what my soul mate would be like
But when I met you
The image became clear and had a name

And I knew who was to be my love
Your face shines like the morning sun
Your eyes are a crystal blue
Your skin is so soft, so perfect
You are far more beautiful
Than any jewels
Who or how you chose me
I will never know
Or understand

But I am sure glad to have you by my side
Hand in hand
I think of all the crazy things
That have come our way
I am so glad that you-
My best friend
Were there all the way
Where will the path that we are on take us
Your guess is as good as mine

But I do know that
As long as we are together
Life will be more than fine
It seems so odd
That this incredible journey
Started so simple
The woman of my dreams
Came walking out of the clouds towards me
And yet it shouldn't really surprise me

Your love so pure and true
You bring me so much joy
I love you so much
It has always been you

Falling For You

2010-05-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

Written for me by Mike Stanczyk<3

There's things about you baby
That I just can't get off my mind
The way your hands caress my waist
When you come up from behind
The way you hold me close
When there's nowhere left to go
The way you make my heart beat fast
When time is going slow
Just the things you do
To make me fall for you
I'm falling, falling for you
And just the things you say
When you come my way
I'm falling, falling for you
You make me laugh
When I feel like crying
You hold me tight
When I feel like dying
You calm me down
When I want to fight
You say my name
And everything's alright
And just the things you do
To make me fall for you
I'm falling, falling for you
And just the things you say
When you come my way
I'm falling, falling for you
Yeah, baby
I'm falling, falling for you

Cody

2010-03-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

Written by my friend Cody Fisher

We lay on our backs
Look at the sky
The clouds that pass look so high
Shapes and sizes
Colors so bright
I'll miss this moment
So hold it tight
The memory we'll share
No matter how far apart
The love we've felt
Will stay in our hearts

Calculus Homework

2010-03-26T06:00:00.001-07:00

Written by Marshall Johnston

Off to work I must go
On this thing they call math
With notes by my side
To show me the path
Though my brain is too small
To remember it all
I do homework to wither it's wrath

Sleeping With My Eyes Open

2010-03-02T18:43:00.001-08:00

I'm sleeping with my eyes open
And walking into doors
Looking for arms to catch me
And hoping they'll be yours
But you are never here for me
And you will never hear my call
Eyes closed I'm walking off a cliff
And you'll just watch me fall

The Colors

2010-02-18T21:22:00.001-08:00

See the Colors as the fall
Tumulting all around
The flakes of ice reflecting sun
No one can hear a sound
Hear the music of the trees
In this our special place
And the Colors dance around
Each with a smiled face
Oh how I long to join them
As they flit and flight and flee
The Colors, they run so fast
One stops and bows to me
And now I'm up and twirling
Spinning through the air
The Colors 'round me whirling
Whisk me back to darkened lair

Outside, Looking In

2010-01-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

I wish I could say you're worth it
All the pain you've put me through
But honestly I don't know
If I had ever really known you

I'm sitting here frustrated
Drama running through my brain
And you don't even see me
See me standing in the rain

I cannot even remember
Why I fell for you before
Because of how you treat me now
I don't even know you anymore

So you'll keep walking by
Looking everywhere but here
And I'll be waiting on the outside
Always wiping away a tear

Notice Me Noticing You

2010-01-21T21:29:00.001-08:00

I'm looking at you
You're looking past me
Wondering if you notice
If I'm what you will ever see

Can you hear my heart pound
Whenever I'm with you
Wondering if you notice
If your heart pounds too

Can you see this smile
I'm like an open book
Wondering if you notice
That my heart you took

Can you feel the shivers
Running down my spine
Wondering if you notice
If you would ever be mine

Will you ever notice
That I'm looking at you
Will you ever notice
Will you ever look at me too

Thoughts Of A Chaotic Relationship

2009-11-15T03:49:00.000-08:00

I lay in bed awake at night
Starring at the sky
How could I not want to fight
I can't help but wonder why
I've messed up so many times
And you always let me slide
Now all I've got are stupid rhymes
And pain I just can't hide
I am looking through a window
See your life falling into place
While I wither in the snow
At a hurtful steady pace
For the life of me I can't see
Why I wouldn't stay
But now I know we can't be
Since I've pushed you far away
There's no way I can ask you
If you still feel the same
I know that you will start anew
And my own heart I'll maim

Forlorn Lovelorn

2009-11-11T22:46:00.000-08:00

I see you sitting there
From across the hall
As she ruffles your brown hair
I feel my hear just fall
There was a time of past
When you were only mine
But time will travel fast
And I never got the sign
So now I'm left alone
Rampaging thoughts unchanged
How the pain is shown
Left in my mind deranged

An Everlasting Moment

2009-08-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

Your heart is beating fast as mine
The dancers quicken pace
I've not the strength to tow this line
Nor the speed to win this race

The butterflies are soaring now
Their wings beat in my chest
Dancers won't take a final bow
And I too shall never rest

The world is spinning 'round me
As I slip out of control
Now a new life in me is beginning
With you I know I'm whole

Forever we'll have this moment
In everlasting flame
You've awakened in me the dormant
And nothing is the same

Rampaging Thoughts

2009-07-05T22:18:00.000-07:00

It's so hard sometimes
It's simply overwhelming
Have I committed any crimes
If I did, then would you tell me

You never seem to notice
How everything goes wrong
Just an ulterior motive
To get back at me all along

I know you're all fake smiles
Just a mask over a face
And as my head smacks on the tiles
I shall never forget this place

So you keep beating me down
Trying to keep me far away
But I'll always be around
For him, I'll always stay

Recharge My Smile

2009-06-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

Outside I'm always smiling
But smiles always fade
Everyday a little more
Simply drifts away

Then I'm off quick running
No frown shall persevere
Off to find another smile
To cover up this falling tear

I can't ever let them see
The pain they make me feel
So I recharge my smile
And hope my heart will heal

Love

2009-05-14T05:06:00.000-07:00

I cannot say I know love
Or understand it's means
I cannot own it with my thoughts
Or as a basis for my dreams
For love is just a word to say
To speak where I would sing
A word for you to speak aloud
To express what life does bring

I cannot say I know love
And that is surely true
But there are things I say I know
Things that show the world anew

I know the color of your eyes
I know your voice alone
I know the feeling of your touch
I know comfort much like home
I know too well your warm embrace
I know your laughing sound
I know the hands that take in mine
I know the haze when you're around

All these things I truly know
Inside they burn with fiery zeal
Yet no common little word like "love"
Could express how you make me feel

Nightmares

2009-04-13T03:44:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting up in bed
Pulling the blanket tight
Eyes are frightened wide
Mind is racing through the night
The shadows are all climbing
Were demons lie in wait
Red eyes glowing violently
Waiting to decide my fate
All the lights in Vegas
Couldn't quell my fear
Couldn't chase away the sounds
Of growling that I hear
My eyes are growing heavy
But I dare not drift away
Can't let the darkness take me
Death before the break of day

Silver Spoon

2009-03-25T21:33:00.000-07:00

I spy myself a little girl
Clasping her silver spoon
With a face that shines
Like the man hidden in the moon

Beside her stands the servant
Holding the silver tray
Always at the ready
To give her life away

Dearest little girl
You're life is oh so free
But how will you become
The person you need to be

One day it will all be gone
Your servant, spoon, and tray
And you will have to stand alone
Or will you simply fade away

Don't let yourself be swept off
With the coursing tide
Learn to stand on your own two feet
And you'll never have to hide

This I Know

2009-03-25T21:29:00.001-07:00

Heavy hearts
And noiseless sighs
Travel swift
Across the skies

They bring with them
A feeling true
When you are forced
To start anew

Thoughts of regret
Of things unsaid
Bounce back and forth
Inside your head

A silent cry
Of screaming rage
The Book of Life
Turns the page

The past is gone
And won't return
But from it now
I hope you'll learn

The world is cruel
As it is kind
And in all things
True love is blind

So keep on searching
High and low
And you will find it
This I know

I'm going to hell

2009-03-01T17:00:00.000-08:00

Just to make a note, anyone who's ever told me I'm going to Hell, well I'm on my way. Now I have my ticket, certificate of reservation, guide to Hell, and VIP pass. So don't worry, I'll be there eventually.

The Monsters in the Closet

2009-02-09T15:32:00.000-08:00

Shadows are creeping
Jumping from my closet door
But who could they becoming for
As I’m sleeping

I hear secrets
And the whispering amongst them
As they discuss their missing gem
I count regrets

Eyes stay closed
They can’t find me if I don’t look
I shan’t help find what they took
Only heaven knows

What is it
This gem of which they speak
And do they know they reek
Lights are lit

They’re coming
I can see them through the sheet
I hope we will not have to meet
My heart’s drumming

Gem is gone
What is this gem that they want
Must be something they can flaunt
Can’t wait for dawn

Please go away
I don’t want these monsters here
For it’s really them that I fear
Brain won’t stray

Is it me
Am I what they really need
Will they simply use me for feed
Can it be

They're here
Daddy will you pay the Ransom
Do you really want to lose your son
Lose my cheer

Mom’s calling
The whole thing was just a dream
I’m so glad I didn’t scream
But now I’m falling

Why Can't We Just Go Back?

2009-02-07T21:01:00.001-08:00

I miss the way we used to be
And the life we used to have
I miss the jokes we used to share
And the laughing fits they caused
I miss that time not long ago
When family gathering's were actually fun
I miss the nights of Monopoly
And mom's power crazy rants
I miss the walks in the riverbed
Following the dogs across the rocks
I miss the camping trips we used to take
Overcoming my fear of climbing
I miss rolling down big hills
Sitting in mom's lap as air whooshed by
I miss when the biggest fights around
Were between me and Kat
But now you're both just shouting
And I just can't take it anymore

I Am From (Non-Class Version)

2009-01-27T18:19:00.001-08:00

I am from a land of the free
At least they tell me so
Yet everywhere I look I see
A place I cannot go

I am from a mixing pot
Where cultures start to blend
Where people call out "Racist"
At every sideways look they send

I am from a generation
Clinging to the past
Challenging those here before
Drifting farther as time passed

I am from a curious mind
Wondering who and what and how
Where teachers plant thoughts not my own
Their own safe seeds to plow

I am from a revolution
Just dying to break out
Pulling chains that keep it here
New walls muffle every shout

This one fact I know is true
This is where I am from
Now one thing remains
Is this what I will become

I Am From (Class Version)

2009-01-27T18:16:00.000-08:00

I am from the uniforms
That no one wants to wear
I am from a brunette world
Standing out with my blonde hair

I am from imposing rocks
That my dad took me to climb
I am from the hair brush mic
Singing my heart out all the time

I am from the Rugrats
Who taught me to explore
I am from constant expectations
People always wanting more

I am from long road trips
To a place where horses run
I am from splashing in the waves
Under a perpetual sun

I am from the weekend nights
When my pillow forts arose
I am from a family bizarre
And all their hand-me-down clothes

I am from my wandering thoughts
Perceiving all I see
I am from the life I live
And who I chose to be

Lost

2009-01-06T19:28:00.000-08:00

In my hand, a compass
It's needle spinning
Parts of me colliding
No one part is winning

Inside I am confused
Head down a darkened road
But my compass isn't working
And I can't decipher it's code

He calls at me from behind
His own compass in hand
The needle clearly points due north
Towards a promised land

Oh such a compass I desire
One that points without fault
This shadowed trail is not my home
In my tracks I halt

He reaches his hand out to me
Leads me from the night
My compass needle locks in place
I shall hold it with all my might.

Stop And Smell The Roses

2009-01-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Hold the camera to your face
Look through the lens and see
Oh what a glorious, secret place
Where I now find myself to be

Here under cover of the green
Little beams of light peak through
The outside world cannot be seen
And here I see life anew

From this perch I get the feeling
That our Earth is not all gone
And though Her magic, I feel the healing
That comes with the next rising dawn

This is our world, here now I see
In all its natural beauty
This place I found myself to be
And to maintain it is our destiny

Picking Up The Pieces

2008-12-29T16:27:00.000-08:00

I never had my dream come true
Until the day that I found you
Then the world, it seemed, was right
And all my days were bathed in light
Your smile made my knees go weak
My heart fluttered when you kissed my cheek
On you my senses seemed to hone
And in your arms, I had a home

But, as a Robert Frost did say
That, in life, nothing gold can stay
And without a word or sign
You were gone, no longer mine
I saw you move on with someone else
And with grief I was beside myself
How could I live and see you there
In my chest, I felt my heart tear

But on this pain I cannot dwell
I refuse to go on in this living hell
I'll see you and I'll hold my smile
And sure, it will hurt for a while
But soon the pain will start to fade
And I will take the hole you made
I'll fill it with an aspiring love
That will lift my soul to the heavens above

Sierra

2008-12-28T21:05:00.000-08:00

My ten-year-old cousin wrote this poem. Sierra is epic. Be in awe!

It
by Sierra Diaz

In the corridor
Outside my window
Just behind my closet door
It sits there waiting, anticipating
My next move towards the open door
Just one slip
My fatal mistake
And I shall fall into it's grasp
And there shall there be nevermore.
Until I overcome the darkness
And replace it with the light
Every night inside my room
Will be a grateful fright

Freshman Memories

2008-11-30T20:22:00.000-08:00

Check out this video: The Knight Thumb

What Can You Do

2008-11-30T15:31:00.000-08:00

What can you do
When you've driven them far away
What can you do
When you know you'll never stay
What can you do
When he's all you think about
What can you do
When your confusion makes you shout
What can you do
When you know they feel the same
What can you do
When your heart skips at his name
What can you do
When you know there will be pain
What can you do
When you're crying in the rain
What can you do
When you've given up on him before
What can you do
When you always go back for more
What can you do
When you miss his warm embrace
What can you do
When you yearn to see his face
What can you do
When you know it will not change
What can you do
When this all makes you feel so strange
All you can do
Is hope he knows the way you feel
All you can do
Is wonder if this feeling's real

Cindy

2008-11-26T19:25:00.000-08:00

I hear them calling my name
The words echo off the walls of my room
Nothing's ever going to be the same
Once she's locked in that big tomb
Cheeks frozen white and cold
Painted make up on her face
She'll never see her daughter grow old
Her spirit will have left this place
Painful thoughts rattle in my mind
I need something more to do
Now old memories I seem to find
I just don't want to believe it's true
It hurts me more than I can bear
To know that she'll soon be gone
I think of how she used to braid my hair
We used to do cartwheels in the lawn
The older sister I never had
Lays now in that clean bed
There's really no point in being sad
Because in the end she'll still be dead.

Your Heart's Beating

2008-11-23T09:35:00.000-08:00

does it tear you apart
the steady beating of your Heart
does it crush you inside
to know that you're still alive
all the hurt that He caused
yet your life has not paused
you have to live on
even after He's gone
"how'd it end up this way"
you ask yourself everyday
and when you see him walking by
you always want to cry
but your Heart will keep beating
and you hope your life is fleeting
because you don't really want to see
just how strong you'll have to be

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

2008-11-15T20:28:00.000-08:00

I want you here
I want you gone
You're what I wanted all along

I want this life
I want to die
My whole damn life has been a lie

I want to sing
I want to shout
Let my wild spirit out

I want to be hated
I want to be loved
See the light shining from above

I want a friend
I want a foe
This is all I'll ever know

I want to be me
I want to be them
Why am I no one's precious gem

I want to be heard
I want to be seen
How can I always be so mean

So this is me
With my furrowed brow
Do you really see me now

Princess Cuckoo Bird

2008-11-08T13:05:00.001-08:00

It's always been this way
Always been the odd one out
Never really fit here
Just a stranger looking in
And now Rapunzel's in her tower
Looking down at them below
People I've called family
Not a daughter, just a bird
Little baby cuckoo bird
Dropped off in another's nest
Little cuckoo in her cage
Looking through the bars
I'm not different because I'm up here
Cut off from them below
I'm not the one that changed
I've alway been the stranger
And here is where I'm sent
Little princess in her tower
Waiting to be married off
To escape this unfamiliar nest
Be a cuckoo bird once more

Vote No On Prop 8

2008-11-01T14:42:00.000-07:00

There are many things going back and forth about Proposition 8. I know that I'm not old enough to vote and I don't know if anybody reads this, but I'm going to write about it anyways. I always see signs saying "Vote Yes on Prop 8" and until today, I had seen no signs to vote no. I may not be very eloquent when it comes to politics or religion, but I'm going to voice this opinion.

1. People say that marriage is a holy union and want to use the Bible interpretation to define marriage in this country. If you look back at the Bible, men had multiple wives, and yet polygamy is illegal in the United States. Men had harems back in those days, so if you want Biblical marriages, you'll have to let men marry all the women they want.

2. The Bible also states that marriage is an everlasting union. "Till death do you part" and all that jazz. And yet, many men and women get divorced everyday. You'd have to outlaw divorce too.

3. It's said that gay marriage is unnatural. Do you know how many things in this world are unnatural? Plastic surgery, hair dye, piercing, orthodontia, make up, and pretty much everything any one does to fix themselves, or make themselves look better is unnatural. If you're going to use that excuse, you've got quite a few more things to outlaw.

4. Do you realize that until about 50 years ago, black and white people could not marry each other? We were able to overcome that, weren't we? Or are we going to start going back to segregated marriages and buses?

5. People say that the supporters of Prop 8 are having their opinions silenced. They are using the excuse that now this is a violation of freedom of speech because whenever they say something against gays they're called homophobes. Ok, so isn't saying that people opposed to prop 8 can't say anything against them? Isn't that stifling our freedom of speech? I'm not saying that anyone against gay marriage is a homophobe, but if you're going to use that, it has to go both ways.

6. They say that if we vote no on prop 8, they will teach about gay marriage in school. Ok, first of all, they don't teach kids about straight marriage, in school. They're not going to teach them about gay marriage, and even if they did, what's so wrong about that? All through courses, they only teach one perspective on everything, especially the wars our country has partaken in. You ever think that if we learned about all of the perspectives we might understand things better and be less likely to make mistakes in the future?

7. Marriage is a business arrangement. It's two people combining their mutual funds. Why can't anyone look at it that way?

8. Oh, and by the way, all this shit people are saying about the Bible, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A FREAKIN' SECULAR SOCIETY!! Do you people not understand that religion and politics are supposed to be separated? Don't let your religious views affect your thought process here.

9. You know, no body is making you marry someone you want to. Why the hell does this matter to you? People fight really hard to be able to marry people their families don't want them to, people that aren't approved of by those around him. Imagine this, you're in a situation where you want to marry someone you love with all of your heart, only it's not just your family that's against you, it's the whole damn country. Do you really want to be responsible for causing that emotional stress? Stop imposing your damn opinion on those around you and worry about your own damn lives, you nosey sods.

Chase Away

2008-10-30T22:00:00.000-07:00

Chase away the darkness
It's coming after me
It's left me feeling helpless
Only you can set me free
I feel it now, it's seeping
Soaking me to the skin
I fear my soul it's reaping
Yanked out from deep within
But now your heart is glowing
And the shadow slips away
all the light from you is flowing
And now I'm here to stay

Untitled 7

2008-10-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

Why take your turn out in the sun
There's so much more for you to see
My soul belongs to all but one
And that lone one is me
See the shadows creeping near
Now come along to find
There are secrets hidden here
Secrets to unlock your mind
Go on out and find your soul
Carry it in your heart
Break free from this and you'll be whole
As the world around you falls apart

One Little Word

2008-10-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

Phone went off last night. I looked at the screen. It was him. I remember the sinking feeling in my stomach. If I talked to him, I'd end up lost, caught up in the waves. Can't get caught in the thrashing riptide again. My head's been smashed against the rocks too many times. Can't go back. Won't go back.
Today I sit upon the stairs. My eyes are open, but I don't see. Ears are in control, they're listening. He yells at her. She yells back, choking on her tears. I sit and listen. It's the same fight, had thousands of times before. Same fight, different words. Nothing good will come from this. They know it, and so do I. They don't want to solve a problem. These words are meant to hurt, knives sliding at the top layer of skin. They inflict pain, but not enough to kill. The cuts are not that deep. My fingers slide across my arm. I can almost feel the shallow wounds. These words are not meant for me. I'm not the intended victim. but I still feel their cool blades slide across my skin.
I can't listen anymore. I retreat to the sound of knives being hurled back and forth. She did this. He said that. I close the door behind me.
Sitting at my desk, I stare into the flame of a flickering candle. Tear slides down my cheek and I grip the phone in my left hand. I know that I'll regret this. It's happened time and time again. For awhile I'll be happy, comforted. But I know it won't last. It's not real. I'll end up broken, struggling to pick up my fallen pieces. I watch the flame grow brighter and the phone rings.
"Hello?" My voice is clear and emotionless, just one part of my perfected mask.
"Hey. It's me. I need to talk to you." He asked no question, so I do not answer. A beat passes.
"Will you meet me?" He already knows the answer as the words pass through his lips. You can hear it in the tone of his voice. Cool, collected, perfectly at ease. I sighed softly and stopped thinking about the future. It takes one little word for me to surrender my reason and be succumbed by solace. One little word to send me on a road of destruct, just to distract me from the one I'm already on. I reply.
"Ok." One little word.

Nuit d'Étoiles

2008-10-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

Middle of night
I cannot sleep
The stars do speak
My heart they keep

From my window
I see them shine
Smiling down
On this face of mine

I always feel
Like I"m alone
But in these stars
I find my home

The beacon calls
They draw me in
I hear the singing
Invoked within

What are these things
Why do they cry
Sing out to me
When the moon is high

I do not care
I'll heed they're call
I'll always wake
When night does fall

Little Girl

2008-10-16T19:37:00.000-07:00

Dear little girl
You think you're so cool
When all these guys
Make you their fool
You think they like you
You think they care
You don't see them all
As they point and stare
You're the one
They say comes easy
But you don't know
They think you're sleazy
The way you act
The way you dress
The way you talk
And all the rest
So don't you think
That you're the one
To all of these guys
You're just some fun

Why so serious?

2008-10-09T05:16:00.000-07:00

Why so serious
About the way you do your hair
Why so serious
About the type of clothes you wear
Why so serious
About what they call you in the hall
Why so serious
About what they even think at all

Why so serious
Now you know it doesn't matter
Why so serious
Whether you're skinny or you're fatter
Why so serious
You have to live with yourself forever
Why so serious
High School's only a four year endeavor

Psychiatric Help, 5¢. The Doctor is In.

2008-10-05T10:20:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I tend to get friends asking for my help and advice on stuff a lot and somethings, I think I say some pretty good things. Last night was one of those times and I don't know, I just thought I'd copy it down here, see if anyone else thought so. Then again, maybe I'm just crazy, which is entirely possible. :P For this record, the other person in the conversation will remain anonymous.

[Anonymous]: Thanks. Heh, just a little identity crisis in my head.

Kristianna Marczeski: How come?

[Anonymous]: Kinda like when you used to be angry at yourself and said that you always tried to draw attention to yourself. It's sort of the same. I've never been entirely honest with myself, and now I don't know who I am, or what good I am to anyone.

Kristianna Marczeski:Everyone's like that.

[Anonymous]: I try to be different, though. There were times I thought I had myself figured out, but times like these I'm not so sure.

Kristianna Marczeski:I don't think we ever truly understand ourselves, part of the mystery of the human animal and it's brain.It's always changing, evolving. That's why psychology is such a fun subject

[Anonymous]: I might be changing for the worse. Last night was rough on me. Wouldn't have been so bad if it was just my parents arguing, but my father was being a prick to both my mother and me. I guess I couldn't really blame him. He worked hard and he worked long, and it was wearing him down. But I didn't think of that then. I was tired and frustrated, and I finally snapped and started yelling at him. I never do that.

Kristianna Marczeski: Mm..

[Anonymous]: I respect my dad and look up to him, but last night it nearly came to blows. I nearly hurt him. I don't know who I am anymore.

Kristianna Marczeski: I wouldn't worry about it too much

[Anonymous]: Spent most of the following hours contemplating suicide. That's another thing I stopped doing a long time ago. I need to escape myself.

Kristianna Marczeski: No. You need to accept yourself. You need to accept how overpowering your emotions can be and when you realize that and how they work, what's triggering them and stuff, you can use them better. Running never works

[Anonymous]: I'm a person that's comparitively slow to anger. It takes a lot to set me off. I don't have a home here, in this house. When I have enough money and a car of my own, I'll try to make my own way.

Kristianna Marczeski: I thought you didn't understand yourself, but now you're giving me this explanation for who you are?

[Anonymous]: If I don't, I'm afraid I'll turn into the kind of person I hate. Hurting others has never given me pleasure, and I hope it never will. But In anger, I say deliberately hurtful things. I pick the words I know will cut the deepest. What better am I than the worst of the sadists?

Kristianna Marczeski: You're over analyzing this. You're focusing too much on yourself and not enough on the nature of the human animal. When we are hurt, we want nothing more than to hurt others, to make them understand what we feel. We strive to make it so people understand us. That's why we sing, we dance, we write, we hurt.

[Anonymous]: That's a good way to put it. And true.

Kristianna Marczeski:It is.

[Anonymous]: Perversely, part of me wants everyone to hate me and be against me, just so I can have a valid excuse to become cold and hard. I don't know. At the same time, I want to go against human nature, and be strong. All this, everything I say and do in anger, is a sign of weakness to me. Everything just makes me angrier at myself. Anyway, I'm sorry for bringing it up. It was stupid.

Kristianna Marczeski: Don't be sorry, it's not stupid. I don't understand what you mean by "being strong, unlike human nature". We, as humans, actually pride ourselves on our strength. Our hope, our will. We keep trying to succeed and to learn, even if we fail.

[Anonymous]: Yeah. But the kind of strength I want to achieve is complete control over my emotions and how they govern my actions. I want to prevent myself from being emotionally moved by anything. If I do that, I defeat human nature. And I won't hurt anyone again.

Kristianna Marczeski: You will hurt people again, it's inevitable. And taking away the power of your emotions is taking away the very thing that makes you human. Your emotions give you strength. Your anger and your pain can help you to keep going at times when you want to give up.

And that's pretty much the conversation. I don't know if posting this just makes me pretentious or self righteous. I don't know, It's more a record for me, so I can remember things that are important to me. Well, I guess that's it.

NaNoWriMo

2008-10-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

So, I've been having this issue with writing. As this blog shows, I write a lot of poetry and even short stories every now and then. But, I do have quite a few ideas for novels and just lack the will to work them through. So, I've decided to join NaNoWriMo next month and hoping that it will inspire me to finish my ideas. Wish me luck.

perfect insanity

2008-09-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

staring at these white walls
my mind is stuck on you
i wander these empty halls
think of what you drove me to

i thought that i was fine
my head a clear blue pool
knowing you for all this time
has made me nature's fool

here you sit upon my bed
whispering secrets in my ear
your voice ringing in my head
doctors tell me you're not here

if you're not there, then who's to say
whether they or i exist
with my life the world does play
giving me this brand new twist

i turn, "i know you're real"
those simple words i speak
"it is i who can no longer feel
and no true mind can be this weak"
that must be it, the truth does shine
and as i sleep, the life you take was mine

Holding Steady

2008-08-28T22:14:00.000-07:00

You know I'll always be there
When you need a friend
I'll keep standing by you
Until the very end
But this is my problem
My predicament in life
That I always carry you
Shoulder all your strife
But when your life gets easy
Away from me you'll stray
Only to come running back
When problems come your way

Cast Aside

2008-08-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

I hate the hold you have on me
My heart, emotions tied
You keep the one I try to free
As I am cast aside
I stick around for her alone
Though now I don't know why
For you have claimed her as your own
While her friendship passed me by

Diehard Friend

2008-08-10T23:19:00.000-07:00

You're the one who I can turn to
When life's pressure pounds me down
All the shit you've got me through
With you I know I'm safe and sound
We help each other go through this life
It's twists and turns we shall not fear
We'll stand together through pain and strife
Together, though far from near

Just tell me

2008-08-10T23:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know what you're thinking
The thoughts that scamper in your mind
Out of existence you keep winking
I look for what I cannot find
I wish you would talk to me
so I wouldn't sit and wonder
I wish you'd just let yourself be
Keep yourself from going under
You hide your thoughts of how you feel
Keep me always on my toes
Always wondering if this is real
But you're the only one who knows

Untitled 6

2008-08-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

heart gets broken
again and again
a tattered token
leaves thoughts within
pain and doubt
filling up the holes
what is life about
life with empty souls
pain keeps coming
back with every turn
to him i'll keep running
will i ever learn

Shadow Boy

2008-07-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

These thoughts of you ring in my head
They're loud enough to wake the dead
Echoing, bouncing off the walls
Louder than the shopping malls
They keep me awake all day and night
Just waiting to see that little light
Worries running through my mind
Unsure which you that I will find
The you that's sweet and there for me
The one who runs, but never free
The one I love with all my heart
The one who simply tore it apart
There is no way that I can know
Which one you'll be if you show

Finding Peace

2008-07-02T18:17:00.000-07:00

Searching corners of my mind
Wherein peace is hard to find
I keep looking fervently
To find some calm inside of me
The bombs explode, canons blast
Enemies are all nearing fast
Parts of me still look to fight
Confronting shadows in the night
But I'll keep searching corners here
And find the peace I hold so dear

PS. This poem was inspired by the picture above that I made myself in Gimp. :P

Narcissus lives on through himself

2008-05-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

Sonnet XVIII
“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?”

To the one I love the most,

My darling, my love, my most cherished companion, you are the most beautiful being on this earth. You beauty rivals that of the most georgeous a summer’s day, though much more pleasant and not quite so harsh. They say that what comes up, must come down that, in fact, all thins do fade in time. This is true for all but you, dear one. You are on you own plane, unaffected by pesky rules of nature. The beauty I see in your watery reflection is indefinite, forever calling to me, begging I stay, and taking my heart. No force, not even death shall take you from me. You will be here, and I shall be with you, until the end of tie, my love. You will live on through these words that I now write, your spirit, your essence, flowing through my pen. And I gaze across, my eyes meeting yours, reflected in the river before me. My true love, let this letter and your beauty be immortal, and I pray I shall have you forever, forever by your side at the edge of the river.

Forever yours,
Narcissus

Helena's Monologue

2008-05-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

Helena
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
Act 1 Scene 1

Although they say I am
More beautiful than she
Then why is it that he cannot
See what others see
For was once mine
Why does he see only her
When all I see is him
Why must I suffer
Love does not make sense
And as many say, is blind
It makes us do insane things
And is most often unkind
Toying with our hearts and heads
It was I to whom he promised
To be faithful and true
Until Hermia came along
And his promises were through
Tomorrow I shall say to him
That Hermia will run away
And back to me
He’ll come I pray

a lover's Dream

2008-05-12T20:53:00.001-07:00

i see You when I close my eyes
Your Smile is a nice surprise
and in my head i feel Your Arms
wrap around me, safe and warm
i feel Your Skin
Heat from within
steady Heart Beat
rising Body Heat
all these things i think i feel
i open my eyes and see they're not Real

Mamoru Yukihiro

2008-05-05T11:15:00.000-07:00

A simple man with a simple life
Turned hero over night

When rays of yellow rain from the sky
Instant night hail from on high

A loud bang and his body flies
Explosion echoing across the skies

Yet in his world there is no sound
Devastation lies all around

His family is the first to mind
It is they he wishes to find

But he is compelled to stay
A hero come to save the day

For an hour he tears through stone
To bring the other victims home

Untitled 5

2008-04-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

all day i have been running
searching for a way out
i just keep on running
too paralyzed to shout
the demons keep on coming
flocking at my side
their screaches ringing in my ears
inside they cannot hide
they circle over head
flying, clawing at my skin
nothing keeps the beasts at bay
they devour from within
they lurk around in shadows
of my heart and mind
scratching, making hollows
where they spend their time
they sit there and they whisper
sweet nothings in my ear
until at once they vanish
they leave me laying here
images flashing in my brain
of school and work and home
i watch it pass me by
the life i could have known

I'm tired of the racism.

2008-03-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

I really hate my neighborhood sometimes. I'm a caucasian and I live in a dominantly Hispanic city. Everyday, there are people staring at me and shouting things from car windows. On the day that they were passing the immigration laws, I was being heckled from all the people that had crowded up on Bristol and were going down to protest the movements. So far, I've been putting up with it, but sometimes these people push me over the edge. Today, a kid in my karate class decides to be funny and stick his hand out like a nazi and say, "White Power!" and "KKK!!". I'm Polish. The Nazi murdered the Poles first. I'm just tired of being singled out and having to deal with this shit in my home. I've lived here my entire life and it's getting real old real fast. Why can't people just suck it up and deal with it all. Most of the time, you here hispanic, or african-american, or native-american people being discriminated against by white people. But no one really understands how bad the white people get kicked to make up for what our ancestors did. Fuck it, I didn't kill anybody, or discriminate, or lynch. Why the fuck am I getting all of this?! I'm tired of it, I want it gone.

I miss you...

2008-03-25T21:55:00.000-07:00

I miss your hand around mine
As we walked down the street
I miss the way you looked at me
And how you called me sweet
I miss your warm embrace
Your arms wrapped tight around me
I miss seeing your smile
And how it made me feel so free
I miss the way you'd make me laugh
When I was sad and down
I miss the way you made me feel
Like I was the only one around
I miss the way you kissed me
Whenever I didn't expect it
I miss the way you listened
When I'd break out into a fit
I miss the sound of your voice
As you whispered in my ear
"I love you" You would softly say
And that was all I needed to hear.

Conformity

2008-03-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

People always say that they want to be different, to be individuals who stand out and think for themselves. In actuality, we all want to fit in with the rest of the population, to be accepted. We strive for conformity so that those left out can be used as scapegoats, some one less powerful that we can beat up on to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. As long as there's someone who's worse off than us, we are able to put up with our petty, self-serving lives. We have so many ways of weeding people out now, many ways of classifying each other. There are labels like prep or emo, that segregate our society. There are many trends to follow, and willingly, we all fall in line like sheep to the slaughter house, unaware of the damage we cause, or the danger we get ourselves into. We put ourselves through so much trouble and stress trying to keep up with the lastest fashion, music, even behavioral trends. It's now become so twisted, that by saying your rebelling or being your own person, you're actually following the crowd because that's what the trend is. What kind of twisted, hypocritical society are we creating?

Cute Little Bruise

2008-03-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a bruise
All black and blue
I know that it's
Because of you
You took my heart
And ripped it out
Laughed as I screamed
So hear me shout
I'll take the time
For wounds to heal
But when I'm done
You too shall feel
The cuts you made
The horrors faced
As my whole life
Is lain to waste

The beginning of the debate...more will definitely ensue, whether I want it or not.

2008-03-20T22:47:00.000-07:00

I personally, am a very strong pro-choice advocate in the abortion debate. A peer of mine, is exactly the opposite, a die hard pro-life advocate. We often disagree on the subject of abortion, in fact there is nothing that we have agreed on a of yet on the topic. We are both in the same English class, and are both writing on opposite sides of the abortion debate for our research papers on social issues. I anticipate that this debate has only begun here with this, dare I call it, conversation. Oh, and by the way, I don't mind if anyone has any comments to anything that I say or believe in and I will gladly argue my points if given a liable arguement. However, if you start a conversation, if you are going to have the guts to actually comment on something I say and start a real debate, follow it through. I trust that no one will have the audacity to start a conversation that they don't intend to finish, as is seen here. If you don't want to continue the discussion after I have said something, I reserve the right to believe that you have been intimidated by what I have to say and are therefore ceding the argument to me. More of this debate will follow, I am sure, as I don't think that either of us will give into the others opinion.

For the record, I am sharpienazi222, and my opponent in this conversation is Bob

Bob (10:20:21 PM): I have been debating this in my head for a very long time, and I have finally foudn my answer: rape is certainly a terrible crime. I'm sure most pro-lifers support harsh penalties for rape: long prison terms, castration, I suspect most would even support execution as an appropriate penalty. But execution of whom? The rapist? Or of his innocent child? If someone suggested that the son of a thief should pay a fine, or that the daughter of a kidnapper should go to jail, we would surely reply that this is absolutely ridiculous. The person who committed the crime should pay the penalty. Abortion for rape is killing an innocent child because of the crimes of her father.

sharpienazi222 (10:27:14 PM): And the mother? The mother is just a pig to the slaughter in this situation. She will bo forever traumatized. She will be forced through 9 months of pain, not to mentiton the excruciating torture that is birth and labor. Not only that, but the mental scarring of being raped will be forever refreshed in her mind everytime she thinks about or sees this child. You are proposing that we sacrifice the woman for the life of the child. How is that fair? There is no way that you will ever fully understand my feelings about this. You could be raped sometime in your life and no that pain, but you will never have the risk that I have of being raped and becoming pregnant. Nothing will ever cause you to fully understand my view, and for that reason, you will never agree to it, nor will you see fault in your beliefs. But I definitely believe that they are there and that your thought process requires re-evaluation.

Bob (10:28:38 PM): I'm sorry then. But let's not get in a debate right now.

sharpienazi222 (10:28:52 PM): You brought it up. Not I

Bob (10:28:57 PM): I know.

sharpienazi222 (10:29:54 PM): I would perfer if You don't start conversations you don't intend on finishing.

Bob (10:30:16 PM): What did you want me to say in order to finish it?

sharpienazi222 (10:31:27 PM): You said you didn't want to get into a debate right now. If you didn't want to get into a debate, you shouldn't have brought up the topic, I'm assuming that you knew that I was going to say something in retort.

Bob (10:31:43 PM): Alright.

Fuck this..

2008-02-29T05:09:00.000-08:00

It's not my fault that I changed..that he moved away in October...we grew apart. It was going to happen eventually, it couldn't be helped. But that doesn't take away the pain, that doesn't make it any easier. I still feel like I can't breath, my throats closed up and my chest feels like it may explode. I want to cry, but I'm not going to. I don't cry. He think I betrayed him, and right now,I'm not sure if he's wrong. I feel like I've lied, I told him that we would make it work, instead I tell him it's over. I feel like the person he think I am right now. The backstabber, that took his heart, said they'd protect it, and smashed it with a hammer. They say that the pain fades, that time heals all fucking wounds, but what they don't tell you is that the time in between is hell. The pain you feel, knowing you've caused their pain. It's agony. I want it gone..I want some peace....

Walk along...

2008-02-26T20:40:00.000-08:00

I feel the eyes following me... breath on the back of my neck. Shivers dart down my spine as I turn cautiously, peering down the dark hallway. The portraits on the wall, stuffy old men, long since dead, watching over those of us condemned to to walk these passages. I shook my head abruptly, snapping me out of my fearful daze, and shuffled on.
"It's all in your head Jack, c'mon, get ahold of yourself."
I heaved a sigh and continued on, popping my shoulder to keep the mostly empty backpack from falling.
"Why is this hallway so damn long?!"
I stopped. The passage seemed to stretch out before me, the faces on the walls being distorted, their stern eyes mutated and intimidating. My eyes widened in shock, knees locking, paralyzed in fear. It took me a moment before I could finally get myself to move on.
I hear a voice, whispering eerily, "Come to me Jack... I can see you now..."
I hesitated before stepping into the bright light before me. It was my first trip to the principal's office and I hadn't been so sure that I was actually going to make it down the hall...

Cold Hands, No Heart

2008-02-25T21:04:00.000-08:00

“How did we get here? How did it come to this?”
She did not respond. He sighed, turned his head away from her and stared absently at the ground. The dew on the grass gleamed in the moonlight, each little droplet of water like a star in the cloudless sky. He sat there, mesmerized by the drops, until a faint gust of wind caused the grass to bend over submissively, the movement breaking his trance.
“I remember the first time I saw you dance. As the pace of the music quickened, I watched you speed up with it, keeping in time with the complicated concerto. I sat in awe as you leaped and twirled around the stage with such grace and dexterity. You entranced me. You were just a blur, flitting here and there, like a fairy prancing in an enchanted garden. The magic of your dancing seemed to stop the rest of the world. There was only you and I. It was at that moment, I knew that I loved you, that I could only love you.”
She seemed unfazed by his words. He glanced up at her from his hunched position and quickly turned away. She uttered no response and he continued on.
“Between each period I saw you walking by. I knew all of your classes. I always wanted to be near you, to be able to see you, even if that’s all I could do…to look and not touch. Your flaxen hair cascading over your shoulders, your blue eyes flickered with grey like a summer storm, your creamy, perfect skin, not a blemish throughout. How I wished to touch you, to feel your soft hands, press your cheek against my own, to hold you in my arms…forever.”
He glanced back at her and reached out to take her hand in his. She felt cold against his skin and the gesture went unnoticed. He slowly withdrew his hand, almost as if something inside of him would not allow him to be close to her.
The wind picked up a bit and he watched her hair blow back and forth across her angelic face. He faltered for a moment, watching her longingly. Then he turned, remembering he had brought his backpack. He reached in and withdrew a large black photo album. He opened it to the first page. There was no name, no way of identifying the owner. It was simply untitled.
“I wanted to show you this.” He flipped past the title page and began to reveal an array of pictures, all of them high quality, as if shot by a professional, or the head of the photography department for the school newspaper. If one just glanced at them, even for a second, they could easily see that the subject of the entire collection was constant. They were all photos of her. As he flipped through the pages, her life unfolded. He had pictures of her everywhere: the ballet studio, her home, her classes, the table where she ate lunch, even the park where the two were currently sitting under the night sky.
Once more, he glanced up and looked at her pale, beautiful face. He surveyed the rest of her body, her arms resting gently on her legs, her fingers perfectly relaxed, her nails painted a pale innocent pink. His eyes moved to her legs, the long, graceful legs that she used to launch herself into the air when she danced. How he loved to watch her dance! Wishing he could be the one to catch her when she descended after one of her skillful jumps.
He looked forward again and remembered the man he wished to be, her dancing partner. He remembered his chiseled face and well-toned muscles from who knows how many years of ballet. But most of all, he remembered the jealousy and rage that he felt to see her in his arms.
“You have no idea what seeing you with him did to me. It ripped my heart out. Each time I saw you with him, the entire world would melt away and all I could see was you and he frozen in time. It was unbearable. How could you have been with him when it was me who knew everything about you, who watched you, who thought of nothing but you night and day!”
He pushed the album off his lap, having frustrated himself, and put his head in his hands and started to pull at his hair. Still, she uttered words in response, only the sound of her hair blowing in the breeze. As it blew past her neck, a faint tinge of purple could be seen at the base of her throat. At that moment, a silent tear slid down his cheek as the frustration overcame him. His fingers till writhing in his hair, his true emotions spilled out of him in one final torment.
“That’s why I asked you here tonight! Don’t you understand? I had to make you see!” He looked up, his face distorted with emotion, and he spoke again in a quieter voice. “I had to make you love me.”
He turned to look at her yet again, her golden hair blowing wistfully around her face. He leaned in slowly and kissed her on the forehead. All the color had drained from her cheeks, all the warmth from her skin. He turned and left her on the bench as the cool wind stole the last bit of life she had left in her.

The Eyes

2008-02-01T23:31:00.000-08:00

Lost in the forest
Drowning in the sea
I am trapped inside your stare
And yet I'm oh so free
Free to be the one I want
As we live our lives
Not afraid of what I am
How I look in your eyes
I feel the warmth
In your soft gaze
And in my head
My thoughts do haze
From deep inside
A warmth does rise
From the love
Seen in your eyes

Mental Walls

2008-01-20T21:26:00.001-08:00

i shoulder the pain
carry the burden on my back
all of my attempts in vain
to make up for what i lack
shield you from the hurt i feel
i keep it tucked away
maybe i'll have time to heal
and with you, i shall stay

Running

2007-12-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

Running
Breathing
Can't stop moving
Can't start thinking
Running
Breathing
Pulse is racing
Heart is beating
Running
Breathing
Pain keeps coming
Must keep running

Labels

2007-12-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

Ok, now I'm getting a little tired of everybody and their labels. Why do we feel the need to classify people into groups like this? What is the real purpose of segregating out society and separating us from those around us, dividing due to differences. Sure, we all want to fit in somewhere, be with people that are somewhat like us, but that doesn't mean we have the right to discriminate against those who aren't. Labels don't do anyone any good. Also, I wonder if people that consider themselves in a certain "group", "category", "clique", or whatever you want to call it, if they would still consider them as such if they never heard of the group? Would all the people who say that they are "emo" still be that way if the label had never existed? We complain about all these groups and all these different people, but did you ever think that maybe because we decided to create the name, create the label, we are in fact creating a new niche for people. By starting these labels, we are giving rise to these different classifications of people, and no one likes it.

Stereotypes

2007-12-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

Ok, I hear a lot about stereotypes and racism. People getting offended, people being cruel, discrimination and all that shit. I personally am not for any of these comments and actions, labeling and segregating people because of their differences, but that isn't going to make it go away. We can try, like we did with women's rights and racism, but thats not going to make it all go away. There are still people in the world who believe that a woman belongs to a man and only lives to serve him and they are going to keep believing that. There are people that think that black people are a different species, lower..worthless, and they too will continue to believe this. People are going to stereotype others, like emos, blondes, geeks, whatever. They are going to be cruel, mocking..taunting...even abusing people they think are different. People always have problems with others, they always will. There is nothing we can do about it. We can protest, we can complain, we can even reform our society, but that isn't going to get rid of the problem, just make it harder to see. We can't change what people think, we can't tell them what to think. Until the government decides to regulate our thoughts, there is really nothing we can do about it but suck it up and not let rude unnecessary coments impact our lives. Whining about it isn't going to help, in fact, that's probably just what the people want you to do. They want you to feel bad, ashamed, for being the way you are. Just hold your head high, your comments back, and let them see that you are proud of who or what you are. No one can take that pride away from you unless you let them. Don't let them.

Untitled 4

2007-12-12T17:05:00.000-08:00

We shouldn't have to run and hide
From feelings that we have inside
We cannot change, it's who we are
And still we have to go so far
To try and hold these feelings back
Fearful of the next attack
From those close-minded, harsh and cruel
For here, majority has full rule
And we are cast out, we earn their shun
All because we love someone

Standing Tall

2007-12-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

Take my hand and hold it tight
Lead me on into the light
This bond is strong, this feeling true
This love I feel inside for you
And I will stay here by your side
From the world we will not hide
onward we go, hand in hand
They wait, prepared to reprimand
Our difference makes them scared to see
It's love inside of you and me
They stare, think we are not right
But for our love I'll always fight

The Peanut Gallery

2007-12-08T15:02:00.000-08:00

They say it's just to feel something
Or to make the pain go away
But do they see how hard it is
On those who watch them slip into the fray
We stand by on the shore
As they drift further into the sea
Lost in their own problems
Blinded from our misery
The fear builds up inside us
Fear that they might fall
That one of these sessions
Might make them lose it all
But still they keep on going
Our pleas will do no good
And they will keep on drifting
As we feared they would

Untitled 3

2007-12-03T16:58:00.000-08:00

i hate this feeling
i'm helples, there's no escape
i'm having trouble dealing
how long do i have to wait
for this pain to leave me
for it all to go away
i just want this to be
over and done with today

Why?

2007-12-03T16:56:00.000-08:00

Why bother to keep going
When we have so far to fall
Why do we keep trying
When we're just going to lose it all
Why do we keep waking up
When we could go on sleeping
Why bother to do anything
This life is just so fleeting...

Say hello insanity

2007-12-03T16:53:00.000-08:00

In the dark they sit
Hiding in corners, cowering
Fire rains down
And they come forth
Bearing they Pain and Sorrow
Leaving it on those who sit there waiting
Waiting to releive the burden
To take it and cast it away
Throw them down the rabbit hole
Watch it explode
From the ashes comes solace
Wafting over you
Caressing your skin with ice cold hands
And in that we find comfort
The fires die down
In our darkness a small light flickers
We can finally rest
Swept up in the night
It becomes you
And the flicker fades out.

Tempus

2007-12-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

everything happens so fast
it passes us by
time
changes the world from what we knew
nothing stays the same
you think you understand
you know what's here
the second you turn you back
it's gone in a flash

people come and people go
seasons change
the things you once knew
you dont anymore
we all move on
leave others behind
only left with the memories
memories of what was there
memories of what we had

Untitled 2

2007-12-03T16:32:00.000-08:00

I do not understand this
These memories are not my own
So why do they come to haunt me
To make my head their home
Inside my heart is pounding
Blood quickens, sweat comes down
In my head, there are drums pounding
It's their beat that drives me home

Untitled

2007-12-03T16:29:00.000-08:00

i watch the blood dripping
from a wound self-inflicted
as i see my life source flowing
inside i feel conflicted
i don't know why i did it
or why there is no pain
in the room a candle is lit
i stare into the flame
the heat of the fire
dries the blood against my skin
my life teeters on a wire
due to battles raging within
will i be here tomorrow
staring up at the stars
will i be forced to follow
this trend and hide more scars

Aftershock

2007-12-03T16:28:00.001-08:00

I enter the room, innocent of the events inside
And come across him, strewn on the floor
I want to scream, I want to hide
The blood dripping, and I lean against the door
Sliding down to the ground, my eyes locked on his face
I see the blade, clutched in his fist
My breath is shallow, I no longer know this place
My eyes move down, surveying the cuts on his wrist
I reach out, his cheeks are cold
The tears start falling, water welling up in my eyes
Could I have prevented it? Maybe if I had been told
But he covered it up, masked the pain with his lies
And now it's too late, there's nothing I can do
I grab hold of him, hugging close the body of the boy I knew
But he's not there anymore, Reaper comes to collect its win
As his blood washes over me, I let out all the pain he held in

Bombardment

2007-11-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

Life seems to have a tendency to throw almost everything in its arsenal that is meant to make your existence difficult all at one time. I mean, how many things can one person deal with at once. What with school, friends, parents, computers, sports, siblings....I have no idea how some people juggle it all. Is it really possible to have a life at this stage...I don't understand how some people are able to do it, while I can't seem to manage. And while we have to deal with our teachers and our peers at school...some "higher power" (if you believe in that sort of thing) will decided that your life isn't interesting enough and will make your parents start fighting...or your sibling or other relative go emotionally insane. And on top of all that, we are supossed to give our friends the attention they need and be able to spend adequate amounts of time with them. Sometimes I think that something out there, if there is something that controls our existence, just likes to mess with us. It's like we are a soap opera, and we are just pawns and if whoever the hell is controlling all this starts to get bored, they add more conflict. All of this for their own amusement. Sure...occasionally, things start going well and we think that maybe we can be happy. But nothing good comes for free. There is always something bad following it, if it doesn't arrive at the same time. And there always will be.

And everything is torn away

2007-11-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

Why is it that any time something good happens, it’s snatched away almost as quickly as it arrived? Why do we bother to make friends, to talk to people, to get close to them? They will just leave you in some way, whether it be on their own accord or some outside force’s. then you’re just left there, with the few memories you have. You’ve left there thinking of what could have been possible, if you only had more time. But the world is just to cruel. Evil enough to give you a taste of what you could have had, a taste that tantalizes you, making you want more and more. And yet, being the foolish creatures we are, we continue to reach out, to claw at others, trying to make friends and meet new people. Why bother? We are just torturing ourselves by making ourselves think that we found something substantial. Why not save the world the trouble of taking it away and just stop yourself from finding it.

It doesn't even matter

2007-11-06T17:21:00.000-08:00

Nothing we ever do matters. We struggle to accomplish things, to have the most stuff, whether it is money, land, power, or people. But it doesn’t matter what we gain in this life because it’s all going to be worthless when we die. It’s not going to prevent our death; in our hearts we know this to be true. And yet we still try, to be the best, to have the most “toys”, so to speak. This is a futile hope and an even more futile struggle.

Maybe we think that God will help us, or Buddha, or Allah, or whatever the hell you want to believe in. Those deities won’t protect you. You’re still going to die. And no matter how devout u are, no matter how much you repent, there is nothing that can prevent your inevitable death.

God is in the TV

2007-11-05T16:27:00.000-08:00

"God is in the TV"
-Marilyn Manson, "Rock is Dead"

So, if God is in the TV, then isn't "He" "commercialized" and has ended up more as an attraction than and actual belief? Do you believe in God because "He's" truely there, or is that just what they told you.

Ask yourself, if you had never had someone telling you there was a god and that "He" created everything in the world, would you hve believed that it was true?

So now I have to wonder if we would believe anythinng if people didn't tell us what we should believe.

How many people actually go to church because they want to? And if you do go because you want to, would you still have gone if no one had ever taken you there? Would you have had the "faith" to believe in something no one told you existed?

All that religion is is a way of explainging something that we cannot explain. We don't know what will happen when we die, but believing in a god isn't going to prevent it from happening. We can believe all we want, and we can try to comfort ourselves by saying we are going to a better place, but we aren't going anywhere. We are going to die. Our bodies will decompose and we will cease to exist. So wake up and live this life, don't worry about what will happen after.

What are religions if all they are is propaganda or ways of segregating our society even further?

If "God doesn't exist, then it was only a way of manipulating the populace. Get everyone to conform to a religion and you can control them. Get them to do things because its the "Christian thing to do" (note: this does not only apply to Christians). Screw that. If I'm going to do anything in my life it's going to be because I think I should do it, not because some unproven deity said that it is what i should do.

Why do you believe what you believe?